Thoughts on Encouragement and UMBC

The other day at work, I was having a particularly tough day, where I felt like I was just not cut out for the job that I have, and that I was going to end up disappointing someone.

Then, I got an email from my honors college adviser and one of the professors I learned a lot from in college.  (A long aside about this particular professor: while she and I did not always see eye-to-eye, I really enjoyed all of her classes as it taught me, the computer science problem solver, some of the more complex sides of social justice and made me really examine the things I believe in. Her classes made me more articulate, more nuanced, and more careful when considering the other side of an argument, both politically and personally. She made me think, and isn't that one of the things you're supposed to get from college?)

That tough day, I got an email from her after a VERY brief update I had just sent her about my post-graduation life. I won't share all of it as some is personal, but here are some of the little encouragements from that note that really shined for me that day, and almost made me cry on my tough day.


Regarding my challenges at work while still enjoying my job:
"I'm so proud that you have found a niche that continues to challenge you and that you are also finding a way to make your mark and a difference for gender dynamics in STEM. You always make me smile but that made me smile HUGE!"

Regarding my relatively new marriage:
"Be patient and kind with each other and remember that your love is why you're together and facing life's challenges together."

And her final line:

"Emily, I'm so proud of the woman you've become and are becoming. Go you!!!"

And that note is PRECISELY why I chose to go to UMBC. Because I knew, after much dragging of my heels, that at UMBC, through my beloved CWIT and the amazing Honors College, that I would get that personal touch, that connection to my teachers, that would make their encouragement something I valued post-graduation, and that staying in touch with me would be important to them.

And THAT is my UMBC story. That is why, despite what experience others may have, despite the fact that UMBC is not without it's flaws, that is why I love my UMBC. Because I care about the people there, and they care about me.

My Asian Eyes

Editor's Note: I wrote this post a few weeks ago (March 22), and it never made it to the blog until today.  

I have “Asian eyes”: narrow, almond shaped, “slanty” – whatever you want to call them.

And I know the feeling I’m about to describe isn’t all that different from the experience of many others with Asian-American heritage, but I’m going to throw my voice in the pool anyways. My “Asian eyes” have always seemed to be a source of weirdness. When I smile big, my eyes disappear completely – they’re still open, but because of my rounder cheeks and narrower eyes, you can’t always tell that. So in photos, I either intentionally widen my eyes – making my smile look really fake – or I have a natural smile, and my eyes look like they’re shut. Consequently, on my badge photos for work, on one, my eyes look closed, and on the other, I'm not smiling (so that you can see my eyes).

In 7^th grade, a kid in my class called me out on my Asian shaped eyes during recess (he wanted to call me almond and the African American girl in our class “brownie” – almond brownies – so much wrong with that). In 9^th grade, my art teacher docked me points off of my assignment to practice drawing parts of my face because “I made the eyes too skinny”. In my freshman/sophomore year of college, my roommate’s boyfriend commented on how, in photos of the two of us together (my roommate was Filipina) you could see that we were both Asian because it always looked like the sun was in our faces. "Asian eyes" were always different, always something people felt the need to point out to me - "hey, it looks like your eyes are shut!"  

As a result, I don't usually like the photos where it appears my eyes are closed (even when they're not). I take pride in other things associated with being Asian (chinese new year, not wearing shoes in my house, folding plastic bags into little footballs, etc.), so why do I dislike my Asian eyes so much? Because it's the thing people point out, it's the thing that seems weird to them. They say "wow, you look super Asian like that" - what's wrong with looking super Asian? I am, after all, a half-Asian woman! So I made a recent photograph of me and my husband my Facebook profile, and even though my eyes look closed, I kind of love it. The end. There's no big resolution or meaning to this post, just me telling myself that "Asian eyes" are just a part of what makes me.  

A Reflection on March

Happy March, everyone!

Here's some of what this March means for me.

1) March is Women's History month. In school I never felt that Women's History Month had much impact but at work (especially as a Society of Women Engineers or SWE member) it has a big impact and I'm involved with all kinds of events focused on it.

2) My husband turns 30 this month. I can recall the day my mother turned 30 - my Dad, in an effort to surprise her, bought these heart shaped cake pans, and I remember shopping for some apple scented lotion and getting some sugar letters to spell out "Happy Birthday, Mom" on the cake. Of course, letting me and Abigail in on his secret meant that it didn't STAY a secret. Anyways, perhaps I'll use one of those same heart shaped pans to make Ryan's birthday cake this year! One interesting article I read online said the worst mistake to make in your 30s is thinking how old you are now - so I'll be sure to make sure Ryan doesn't do that! :)

3) March means that one of the more dire predictions of my Dad's cancer diagnosis has passed. Does it mean he's "better"? No. But does it mean that treatments to hold off continued cancer growth are, for the moment, still working. And that's good, because when it comes to continued time with Dad, I'll take everything I can get.

What are you looking forward to this month?