National Son's Day

Dear M -

This month is national son's day, 2021. It's like mother's day and father's day (which are the big ones). There's also grandparents day and siblings day, which are lesser known. But this is the first year I have you, a son, to celebrate, on this less celebrated day.

You've changed absolutely everything for me. I knew that I wanted to be a mom, but I didn't really know what it would feel like. Not until the day I took a pregnancy test and saw two pink lines. Then suddenly my abstract desire was very real. And as I, like many other expecting moms, tracked what size you were week by week - you were my little grain of rice, then my little gummy bear, and so on. And as I thought about you, people asked if I wanted a boy or a girl - and mostly, I imagined a girl. Not that I "wanted" it, but that it was easier for me to imagine.

.  A couple months later (about a year before I'm writing this, actually) I lay in the sonogram room and learned that you were a baby boy. A son. And I was surprised. I thought I didn't care, but when I knew you were a little boy, suddenly and briefly you felt strange to me, because not only am I not a boy, but you have seven aunties and only one uncle (not counting my brother-in-laws), so my experiences were almost all with baby girls. But then they moved to your heartbeat, which I had heard before and heard again, and you were back to being my baby instead of a stranger. Your Daddy was thrilled that you were a boy, and that made me excited. Knowing you were a boy made me think about your uncle Nat - when he was born, your grandpa was SO excited - and seeing daddy be excited for you, I understood a bit better why grandpa's heart longed for a son so much, and was so happy when Uncle Nat was born.

As we prepared for you, I kept wondering what it would be like when you were finally born. I started calling you "buddy" quietly and silently. When you'd kick me, I'd say "hey, buddy, mama doesn't like that". I painted your room a pale blue. Daddy and I discussed what to name you at length many, many times (we were all ready with a girl name but not one for a boy). I tried to wrap my head around what it would mean to have a son.

Then you were born. That was a big day, but that story I've written down in other places. I want to talk about not the day you were born, but two days later - the first day you peed on me. You had peed on daddy already, but I hadn't changed your diaper while we were in the hospital - Daddy handled all those early diapers because he wanted to learn and because he wanted me to rest. But now we were home, and Daddy needed to sleep, so I had gotten up to change you. You did what little boys do - you didn't do anything wrong - but I was again faced with the feeling of strangeness, a realization that "oh, right. He's different from me." 

I'm sure I'll have those moments over and over as you continue to grow. I am prepared for you to change in ways I don't understand, for you to need Daddy to teach you things I just don't know. When we potty train you, when your face eventually gets hair, when your voice suddenly gets deep like your uncle Nat's did, and when you are inevitably taller than I am - all those will be moments where briefly, because you are a son, you'll be a stranger to me. But then, like you have already, you'll go back to being my baby.

Having you has changed how I read scriptures. I read about Sarah & Isaac, Hannah & Samuel, Elizabeth & John, Mary & Jesus - and I think of you, and I see these well known stories in new ways. Having you has changed how I think about my Popo, your Wai Po's mommy, and her relationship with Uncle Keith & Uncle Mike. Having you has helped me understand better how things are between your daddy and your Nana. There's a reason that #boymom is a trending thing - because moms of sons have shared experiences, and you've inducted me into that club.

I love you, baby boy. I always will. - Mama

Bacon Cornbread

Everyone likes to complain that food blogs have long stories before the recipe and that you have to scroll to read the actual recipe - well I'm not going to break with that tradition! I'm not going to break with tradition, so let me tell you why, for today only, my blog is suddenly a food blog. I've been at my job for six years now, and annually we have a chili and cornbread cooking competition. COVID-19 means that the contest is altered this year, and we were challenged to either 1) create a cooking show video or 2) write a food blog post - so obviously you know what I selected! 

I've competed in the chili contest for the past five years and last year I was finally awarded the prize I coveted - the hottest chili of the day, with my Thai inspired creation, "Chili Thai-me" (yes, I do think I'm very clever with that name). The cornbread contest is usually way less popular and often not even a contest, so having achieved chili greatness, I turned my thoughts to the often overlooked side.

Bacon can dress up anything, so first, get your bacon cooking! I use the oven method, with a cookie sheet under the bacon so that it doesn't sit in the drippings while it's in the oven. 1 lb of bacon at 400 degrees F for 15 minutes!

This recipe would most likely be better in the summer, with fresh corn, grilled on the cob and then cut off and put into the bread, but as it is winter, we are stuck with canned - one can is enough. I don't have a food processor, so I used a blender on the lowest setting to turn the corn into a rough wet pulp.

Then mix the dry ingredients (1.5 cups flour, 0.5 cups sugar, 1 T baking powder, 0.25 t salt).

Then the wet (your corn pulp, 0.5 cups milk, 2 eggs), and then add the dry 1/3rd at a time - because that's how chefs do it. I don't know why but it is so I do it that way too.

Grease your loaf pan (I used a little bit of olive oil and rubbed it around with a paper towel). Chop your bacon into chocolate chip sized pieces, and add to the batter. Optionally add 1 T of paprika - it is mostly to amp up the color, it doesn't really add flavor - and pour into loaf pan to bake.

Bake at 400 degrees F for 45 minutes. While it bakes, you can make honey butter - equal parts honey and butter in a blender, and blend until uniform (this requires a lot of scraping the sides of the blender, and slowly adding the honey between spins). Get your pretty wood cutting board to plate it up - this is a food blog after all, it needs to look amazing - cut off a slice, spread on some honey butter, and bam.

It is super delicious! Takes cornbread to a savory place, but still preserves the sweetness of corn. Because there's no cornmeal it doesn't have quite the crumb of other cornbread recipes. Also makes good muffins.

Ingredients

• 1 ½ cups corn (1 can)
• 1 ½ cups all-purpose flour
• ½ cup granulated sugar
• 1 tablespoon baking powder
• ¼ teaspoon salt
• ½ cup whole milk
• 2 large eggs
• 1 lb bacon

Instructions

• Preheat oven to 400° Fahrenheit.
• Cook bacon for 15 minutes on a cookie sheet to drain the fat.
• Process corn in a food processor until it is chopped, but NOT mushy.
• Whisk together the dry ingredients in a small bowl.
• Combine the wet ingredients in a larger bowl.
• Add the dry ingredients to the wet ingredients and combine.
• Grease loaf pan and fill with batter
• Bake for 45 minutes or until a chopstick in the middle comes out clean.
• Combine equal parts honey and butter together until creamy.
• Enjoy your bread and honey butter!

2021 New Years Resolutions

 Here are my resolutions for 2021!

1) Weekly Prayer Journal 

I was much better about journaling in high school and college but have fallen out of the habit. I found this past year that prompts help me (I've been doing a maternity journal) and so I ordered this one from Amazon to try out: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B08J5HLXRD

2) Baltimore Half Marathon

Since the pandemic isn't going anywhere, I think pools will keep being hard to access, so I'm pivoting from the triathlons for a year to try and gain endurance in my running. 2021 is the 20 year anniversary of the Baltimore Running Festival (would have been 2020 but it was cancelled) and so that's my target (it's in September, we'll see if it happens in person or not).

3) "Completing" a Cookbook

Julie & Julia style, I want to "finish" one of the many cookbooks in my collection by trying every recipe in the book. I have not decided which book to do yet - that is going to be based on reviewing the recipes and gives me flexibility to switch to an "easier" cookbook part way through the year if needed, but I've gotten many cookbooks as gifts and want to branch out from my basic staples. The goal is less pasta, more adventure.

4) The 2021 Reading Women Challenge

I have alternated between the Modern Mrs. Darcy challenge and the Reading Women challenge the past couple of years, but I love the goals that stretch what I read and get me out of my genre comfort zones!

5) Try out online "scrapbooking"

I usually aim for 10 resolutions but have slimmed down to 5 this year because having a baby is going to be a big change for us. I want to experiment with documentation techniques (a co-worker recommended the Qeepsake app) for this change. We intend to keep our kiddo off of social media, so I want to try recording the same memories I might reach for my phone to share online, but in a more tangible, long-lasting format.